“Therefore I will not keep silent; I will speak out in the anguish of my spirit, I will complain in the bitterness of my soul.” Job 7:11 NIV
That verse spoke to my heart, met me right where I was feeling the other day, as I turned to God’s word to shine some light, give me comfort, remind me that He still is in control. It may have been the end of summer blues, or anxiety about home schooling a 5th grader and kindergartener this year, and I am pretty sure it was the overwhelming “I don’t know how to feel” feeling after a month of doctors appointments to hear the words “he is on the autism spectrum, mild, based on my observations.” I thought to myself, compared to others, we should be thankful, he is mild. I kind of felt like I didn’t have a right to be sad, upset, disappointed, angry, confused, unsure. K2 is almost 5 years old, we have had feelings and clues that something was different, AND I was the one that wanted to know for sure, so I told myself that I should just push through. My approach of not acknowledging the news to my heart did not go well, I felt the weight of it, and turned to my Bible app, praying for God to provide what I didn’t know I needed.
I have a habit of picking devotional plans as I find them and starting them as I feel moved to. I happened to pick Real-Life Devotions by Lysa TerKeurst back in March, fast forward to August, and on the day I read that verse (Job 7:11) in the plan it was Day 6 of the 14 day plan. That day’s devotion talked about grieving, how no one loves or heals like God does, and how there is no pain too great or too small to take to God! I so needed to read that, on exactly that day, to remember how much God cares! I will never stop being amazed how He listens to my prayers and uses His word to speak to my situation!
Trust. That was what He reminded me to do. Trust Him. God is love, and where there is love there is no room for fear! As I ran last night, I imagined my feet stomping out my list of fears I had made: it is OK to not know what this year or ten years from now will look like for us, it is OK that our day is not going to fit the perfect image I have carried in my head, it is OK that things will get messy emotionally, and it is OK that things will be done differently, it is OK because I am trusting in Him and His plan. As I ran, I sang the words from this song they played in church yesterday by Hillsong United, amazed again how God met me with the encouragement I needed this week!
“Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)”
You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now
So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
[6x]
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
Oh, Jesus, you’re my God!
I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine
As I ran last night, I was shouting in my head that this is the time for my faith to be louder than my fear, for my trust to drown out my doubts, for my family, my kids, to SEE what faith and trust in God looks like when life gets messy.
My daughter created these verse images on her Bible app. We are friends on the app and she took some of my bookmarked verses over the past couple of weeks and made these for me!
…who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 2 Corinthians 1:4-5 NIV
I can only imagine the plans He has for K1 and K2, they are big plans to be sure! They are each made exactly to fulfill the purpose and plans He has for them, and that I will continue to trust in!
My prayer for you is to remember how much God cares for you and wants you to cast your burdens on Him, no matter how big or small they are, know He is waiting to comfort you. I pray for you to really trust in Him as Psalm 62:8 instructs us to do, I pray for Him to give you the strength to let go and experience the freedom of letting God! I pray for your kids to see you in His word, to see His word provide you comfort, peace, guidance, and confidence and for your kids to grow up trusting and praising God because they see you trusting and praising God!
michelemariekotasek 